Trying Not To kill Myself

Hi, do you remember me?
Do you remember me?
I’m trying not to kill myself

These words in this exact order took me back.
As he sitting atop his chair pulled me and told me his current emotions
as he expressed his suicidal thoughts, I stood there and froze.

I saw myself a few years back, battling with my will to live and the guilt
and trauma I would leave my loved ones if I willingly passed.
I froze as i recalled my teenage self pondering upon the amount of pills i needed to ingurgitate to end it
I stood still, as if reminded of a shameful past i wished to hide but that suddenly resurfaced.

Then i came back,
to my senses, to myself
This isnt about me, this isnt about me, THIS ISNT ABOUT ME!!!!!
but this is FOR me to help him
because i know too well the meaning of these words,
i know too well the sound of this cry
it’s a cry for help

it means,
SAVE ME FROM MYSELF.